I've talked about this before, but man. I'm really starting to understand where religion comes from. Explanations for birth and death, right. But wow. Normally when you look at a person, you don't really think about where they came from. Sure, babies, nice baby, you assume that it's only a couple months old, or a year, or whatever. But I think when I look at someone I assume that they have always existed, often I assume that they have always been the way they were when I met them. This is silly, but it is how my mind works. I don't know how universal it is. But your parents, they've always been your parents, right? Sure, theoretically they must have been children at some point, but as far as I'm concerned, I didn't see it, it never happened. Think about how squicked out people are about their parents having sex. That's because you are unable to really comprehend that your parents were ever young and in love. Theory is theory, reality is what you have experienced.

For me, all of that broke down when Rebecca came along. I have personally witnessed that before she came there was nothing, and after she came, there is a little person. I can see why people blame this on God. She's dopey and immature, but she's a real person. Theory has become reality, I have personally observed, no second hand testimony here, that I became a parent, my parent became a grandparent, and my grandparent became a great-grandparent. That one event was like an inductive proof. I am now aware, in a physical kind of way, of this immensely long chain of begat-ing, infinite for all I'm concerned. My life has been put into context. I will grow old and die, I will become my grandmother, I will go through the stages of everyone before me, and watch generations come after me. It is so weird.

Why now? I was there when my little sister was born, maybe I just wasn't paying attention. There are probably lots of different ways to reach this particular enlightenment, but I bet hitting it when you become a parent is pretty common. It also explains to me a little bit why some people never seem to accept that their children are true independent entities. They just never got it, maybe because they were unable to relinquish their spot as the child, unable to accept how many ways they really were just like their parents? Unable to accept their own humanity and death?