This year I resolve to worry less. Technically I made this resolve a couple of weeks ago, mid December? It has gotten a little bit fuzzy. And I keep tarting it up with other resolutions, but I think it is important to only have one resolution or goal for change at a time, otherwise you keep switching between them in your head, not remembering the right one at the relevant moment, and accomplishing nothing. And what I really need to do is worry less.

I've always assumed I have a mild anxiety disorder, I panic about really useless things, although I have at least mostly gotten over the heart stopping feeling that some autocratic person is going to threaten me with unspeakable punishment every time the phone rings. (No previous trauma involved, I'm pretty sure nothing remotely like this has ever actually happened.)

Anyway. My mantras for the past couple weeks have been Constantine telling Sunshine that "worry is useless" in that straight up human-emotions-are-silly get over it way, and Jewel's song Hands:

If I could tell the world just one thing
It would be that we're all ok
And not to worry because worry is wasteful
and useless in times like these
I will not be made useless
I won't be idled with despair
I will gather myself around my faith
for light does the darkness most fear
My hands are small, I know,
but they're not yours they are my own
but they're not yours they are my own
and I am never broken.

I think I've made a lot of progress recently, but I know I'll backslide, and I know I have a long way to go. Hopefully I can make it to a sufficient threshold before I get distracted by something shiny.